Sibling relationships: helping neurotypical siblings understand and not resent
Posted May 10, 2026
Our older daughter is 8. Her younger brother is autistic and takes up a lot of oxygen in the house — appointments, meltdowns, special foods, the whole picture. She loves him fiercely and also, lately, has started saying things like "why does he always get…" and "nobody ever asks how my day was."
She's not wrong, and that's the hard part.
What we've started doing:
- A protected 30 minutes with her, alone, most days. Phones away.
- Naming the unfairness honestly instead of pretending things are equal.
- Letting her opt out of being his helper sometimes — she's a kid, not a co-parent.
- Connecting her with a sibling support group online ("sibshops" was a starting point).
If you have older neurotypical siblings, what has helped them feel seen without making them feel like an afterthought? And if you grew up as the sibling — what do you wish your parents had done differently?